What a loaded question! I witness people twisting and turning on both sides of the aisle, be it a court room aisle, church aisle, or the great divide of opinion isle. For the longest time I proudly and righteously sat on my side of the fence in this debate. Now, I find myself just waiting for all of us to catch up with what I think the ancients might have meant by the sanctity of anything…including marriage and perhaps even the art of dialogue.
In the midst of clearing out my "Not-in-law's" home, (...I’m not allowed to legally marry...)
I came across a beautiful piece of art work. It was the marriage certificate of one of our family elders that seemed to capture the honor in the words “sanctity” and “marriage”. It is a picture of a joining that is guided, that anyone can sense, when invoking the sanctity of Love within, Love together and a Love beyond; something unlimited, unbiased and inarguable:
I keep trying to get down to the basics, the bare bones, the simplicity of anything we can all agree upon – something common like: the respect of differences, the decency of each person or just the act of “allowing” sanctity to happen. Even the word "in-laws" to denote the parents of our partner, seem to organize the concept of marriage by the world of law - not the world of religion. So,today as I find myself wanting to put thoughts to paper, I feel like a student wanting to see what the dictionary might offer. I felt silly doing so, but I'm so glad I checked:
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sanctity: holiness, sacred or hallowed character; a sacred thing
marriage: the legal or religious ceremony that formalized the decision
of two people to live as a married couple.
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I noticed the word "or" between the words "legal" and "religious". I thought that was good. There were no defining or dividing pronouns used, I thought that was even better! Then, I was blown away by the next two entries:
a. the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. Antonyms: separation.
b. a similar institution involving partners of the same gender: gay marriage. Antonyms: separation.
Granted, this came from dictionary.com -but- what a sign of inclusive,whole-hearted thinking -and- so........un-sanctimonious!
Call me crazy, but when I hear people say the words “sanctity of marriage”, I start to feel that this delegated concept of marriage is actually.....unconstitutional. The First Amendment offers all of us freedom of religion –AND- free from religion. People forget that BOTH these options are a gift to be honored and protected. Our government must not “establish” any form of religion. If it did, then someone in leadership would be able to decide and dictate that we must all practice Islam in America. Not a bad idea in my opinion – but that is just what it is ---an opinion! We should " thank God" for the fact that you or I can have or not have that opinion, or practice whatever belief we want without someone putting any of us in jail or "heaven forbid" consider someone satanic or deviant…or even more horribly: different than us!
I hear people talk about the separation of Church and State. I again recognize the importance this concept allows everyone. No part of government can dictate the terms of religion, the divine, or the sanctity of anything for any citizen or group of citizens. When people try to determine who can and can’t marry (interracial couples, disabled people, immigrants, gays or whomever is on the list)…..and then state we must preserve the sanctity of marriage……I begin to day dream that our common humanity would see a conflict of interest and kindly choose to separate their religious convictions from their civil rights. I image them announcing that all who are currently married are now “unmarried” in the sight of law and instead must file for civil unions if they wish to combine incomes, pay taxes and receive government support. THEN, if they wish to sanctify their marriage --- feel free to exercise their freedom to do so in the church, mosque, temple or open-air hilltop meadow of their choice.
Don’t get me wrong, just as my elder’s piece of art work invokes – I DO see the sanctity in two people choosing to love one another for life; for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to honor and protect – to be the guardians of the children they bring into this world….and to invite and invoke that their commitment be blessed by the Sanctity of a Love that guides. I see no sanctity in deciding who can and cannot participate in the gamut of ways to experience, express, or share this amazing responsibility. If we could and would allow one another this gift --- that would be a true act of Sanctity.
