We can easily become tangled up in “differences” and in what people call being “politically correct” -- especially when it comes to gender issues and sexuality. I like trying to be non-political and not compete over who is correct, but I tend to fall all over myself when I walk that fine line. One day, a child made it all perfectly clear.
It started when I had a wonderful day being gifted with the chance to play basketball with my best friend Frank (a male in his 60’s), myself (a female in her 50's) and Frank's new friend, Brady (a boy barely in his 10's). I decided to sit on the sidelines and happily watch these two buddies play together. At one point, Frank asked Brady – “can Doreen play too”? I was patiently and quietly invited in. We played openly and easily to our hearts content – each of us, very good at what we were doing!
Later that day we visited Frank’s mother-in-law in a long term care facility to celebrate her birthday with family and cake. Before eating, we decided it was a good time to go to the restroom and wash up. Brady, myself, and Brady’s mom headed down the corridor. As we walked together, Brady asked me “are you a boy or a girl”?
When a public question of gender comes up --- a lot can happen! Surprise, confusion, shock, wonder, embarrassment and maybe in this moment, mom was even wondering “what happened to all the social-graces conversations we’ve been having”? But all of this would be us as adults...thinking like adults. Trying to responding to all of the above from that place of "the middle way", I easily asked Brady “is it hard for you to tell because I’m so good at basketball”? But then I thought, “what a smart thing for him to ask...especially on the way to the restroom”. To this day, I can’t remember his response, but I let him know that I was a female just as we all began to enter the women’s room together.
What happened next internally for me was quiet and celebratory at best. I thought “what a great compliment”! It felt to me that Brady was experiencing and expressing a concept I heard Ru Paul describe on an NPR podcast the previous day. He explained how gender can be boundless versus binding. He described opportunities in every moment to wander and wonder through a place of consciousness that is non-defined, seamless and seem-less! (Paste link below)
http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=146283441&m=146283432
I wondered if the intelligent child in Brady easily recognized some sort of balanced point, some sort of fulcrum gender-less middle place between male and female in me that was undefined. The Buddhists use the term “middle way” and "Bardo" (the place in between) – to describe some sort of assemblence of what I am trying to say. If that was the sense and place that Brady spoke from, it was indeed a great compliment. And maybe he was just trying to see that if I was male, it would be a chance to go to the men’s room together, instead of the women’s room with mom. Which ever it was, it was lovely to be in that in-between place that childs-mind can give us. Either way or neither way --- it was a gift.
They tell me, that youth today who are traveling though sexuality issues and discoveries, tend to not care for words that describe people as gay, non-gay, trans or bi. Instead they say “this is where I am right now”. I find that so gentle and wisdom filled - just like Brady. Being in and speaking from that middle-place, that “just right place”, helps me remember the Desiderata concept that each of us “is a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars -- we have a right to be here”…..and even more happily a right to
just ---- Be!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
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