One Word Leads to Another: How to tell if you are in the present moment

A discipline I like to follow is attempting to truly be in the present moment. I have examples of times I know I am totally NOT in the present moment and times I recognized I do find myself in that sweet-spot moment that only the present can possess. Just as one story leads to another, one word leads to another, hopefully one non-present moment helps lead me to the next present moment. First the non-present moment story I call “present moment, pancake moment”.

I was at Perkins one lovely Sunday morning sharing a pancake and eggs meal with my partner. We were engaged it what we term “breakfast blather”; a menagerie of minutia tainted with tid-bits of playful thoughts leading one to the other almost endlessly. This particular morning, I found my blather rather bitchfull….going on and on blah blah blah … complaining about some tedious frustration. I don’t know about you, but I find that many people like their breakfast food “just so”. It’s easy to be picky about eggs. Being quite picking myself about the order of each morsel – pancakes to be eaten before the eggs, the syrup poured after cutting the pancake etc…I began my meal in the midst of my breathless bitching blather. In mid-sentence I raised my voice in exasperation and profusely professed “the waitress FORGOT to bring my pancakes!” Thankfully my body’s autonomic system dutifully remembered to take a breath! In that breath filled moment, my brain woke up, broke from its pattern of thought deluged mess and recognized my mouth was in mid-chew of a whole grain pancake, properly pre-cut and soaked with syrup! My partner and I spent the next split second roaring with laughter and noted the moment’s extreme example of NOT being in the present moment. Such was born the term “present moment, pancake moment.” We elicit this term out loud some times, to re-mindfully remark whether we are (or are not) in the precious present.

One day lead to the next, one breakfast to the next, and one present moment lead to the next. Sitting on the front porch one Fall morning, eating muffins and coffee, my partner and I started wondering about the origin of the saying “dead as a doornail”. We grabbed our version of the QPB Encyclopedia Of Word and Phrase Origins book to see what the story was. Well, one word lead to another and we found ourselves looking up the origins of sexual slang, starting dutifully with the origin of the word F*ck. Apparently it is of German origin for ”ficken/f*cken” - meaning to “strike or penetrate”. We moved on to “cu*t”, then “pap smear” leading us rightfully to “pervert”. Being a sex educator, I found myself easily moving onto all the words kids ask us about and could hardly wait to share these tidbits of word-origin-knowledge with my co-educators. We found it interesting that there was no reference to “pus*y”, but plenty of reference points for “bon*r” whether it was to have one, or pull one. Of course we judgmentally attached some sort of patriarchal purpose to this pattern, but fell all over that theory and ourselves, when we recognized there were no references for “ja*k off” or “ejacu*ate”.

As we laughed and cackled, we heard a familiar chirping sound draw our attention to all that surrounded us. Nature so kindly shared and comically marked the moment for us as we glanced at a humming bird feeding 4 feet from our conversation. Not only had the humming bird joined in, but also a very hungry bumble bee. We shrieked with glee at the way nature communicates with us, creating a word-image-choice noting that we were all having fun with “the birds and the bees”. Instantly we were able to feel we had truly entered the present moment. One cannot help but miss what is both obvious and not-so-obvious at the same time. There is a palpable feel to the power of the present. Today it most graciously played itself out through our bodies, as it removed that façade of day-to-day control, having us do nothing other than laugh. We could sense how one word lead us to another, one moment to another, helping us discover we had “hit the nail on the head” and entered that just-right place of the one and only --- present moment. End note: I figured I should use the asterisks for those “special” words, as I could only imagine how many hits my blog might get on some slightly popular Google searches and I wasn’t sure I wanted to invite too much scrutiny. The photo enclosed – was an attempt to capture the scene that played out before us. If you look closely you can see both the bird….AND…the bee feeding together!

The Power of Words: Abracadabra, incantations and other assorted word choices

I am reminded of the power of words on a daily basis. I am a teacher, an in-home health aide and a performance artist. As a performer you are taught to “know your audience”, as a teacher you are taught to watch how others learn, and as an in-home aide you are taught to listen to your client. No matter what role I am playing, as I attempt to connect with others, I find myself considering how each word I choose helps or hinders the chances of connection. Telling you the story of my pen-name “Sufi-socks” is an example of the powerful play of word choices.

In the messy menagerie of middle school, I found myself living in a dirt-road neighborhood at the foot of a dry and dusty southern California hillside. I became fast friends with Rachel, the Mexican girl next door, whose mother was an eccentric, free-flowing artist we called Mago-Mom. There wasn’t a day went by that we wouldn’t see her fly down the dirt road, heading to her art studio, dressed in a miss-mosh of material and wild abandon of color – none of which met any standard of matching that most people expect in one another’s choice of attire.

We loved being in Mago-Mom's studio as she painted her impression of construction machines that moved on her canvas and seemed almost alive. Rachel and I would dress up and pretend to be manikins in the window, watching to see how people would react as they walked by. In all this magical playfulness we discovered, like many kids do, the energy of wearing mismatched socks. For some unknown yet magically known reason, we called them 'sufi-socks'. There was an invisible sense of the word’s perfection and, as children naturally do, we left it at that.

As an adult, being interested in all that is Divine, I came across the real word –Sufi- while reading about various religions. I learned of ancient peoples who live their lives in observance and obedience to Love and the Divine Beloved. I learned that Sufi artists “tune” three times in preparation for their performance. They first tune themselves, then their instrument and then the audience. I was amazed at how we chose this word as children, having no idea it was a Real word. On some invisible level, our imaginations recognized the word’s energy-sound. Sometimes I wonder if we chose the word, or if the word chose us.

During my adult journey of inner discovery, (somewhere near age 35) I began to mismatch my socks. When wearing them, I could once again sense the perfection of play-full-ness in the energy ignited by their silly yet completely assuring comfort. I was amazed at the number of adults I met, who also enjoyed wearing mismatched socks. I began paying attention to how we use or misuse words and the power they carry that effects everything and everyone. It was also at this age and stage that I became a professional clown. While developing skills on how to enter the fantasy world of children, I stumbled across the origin of the word "Abracadabra". Some believe it is an ancient spell in Aramaic, meaning “let the thing be destroyed"- the “thing” being an illness. Another Hebrew/Aramaic concept is avra k’davra, which means “I will create as I speak”. Once again, I found myself in the creative world of words, their magical energy and their power to create or destroy. Then, one mundane yet magical day, all of this word-play came together for me.

I was going through a difficult time, feeling burdened and alone. I walked into the office one morning and was greeted by a lone co-worker who enjoyed coming in early to a silent, empty office. He would make coffee and have it waiting for the rest of us as we arrived, slowly, noisily and late. When I walked in he simply said “Good Morning!” There was something magical about his greeting. You could tell he meant it. There was a presence --- a specific “abracadabaric” sound that traveled between us. It was a palpable caring that was “created as he spoke” that “destroyed the illness in me.” I instantly knew - everything was going to be okay. To this day, I try to remember this experience and message in each moment I greet someone - in each choice of word I send out – knowing every word, and the intention behind it, has the power to create or destroy. FOOT-NOTE: This very day I wrote about sufi-socks, the magic and power of words. I synchronistically and oh so magically came across a child –AND- some random adult who happened to be wearing miss-matched-socks. I had to snap a cell phone photo to add to the canvas of this blog! En-joy!

Samurai Soul: Knowing that You Know!

"Worry, worry, worry!" -- ok what cartoon character comes to mind here? Is it Eeyore, Piglet, Pooh? I think it was Eeyore, as he was constantly worrying about "losing his tail". It could be any of these cartoon characters – but in reality it is mostly plain ole ME (and maybe you too?).

Buddhist’s call it Monkey Mind. Now that would be a good name for a new cartoon persona – yes? Almost daily a thought comes, reminding me “I’m in the unknown”,“I have no idea what to do","I don't know what's next”, or even what is NOW for that matter!

I found myself in this mind-space one day while working as an in-home health aide. I was informed I would need to start giving my client four different eye drops twice daily. That might not sound so bad….but considering my client was a germaphobe, fearful that people were trying to kill her, didn’t always remember who I was and was on all types of psychotropic meds which she generally refused to take….made it “very bad” to me!

Worry, worry, worry became my moment-to-moment mind mantra. My organized, fix-it-now pattern kicked in full-time. I decided to buy some over-the-counter eye drops and practice on someone. I picked the exact right person. That would be Frank, my guitar and cognac partner in playful, creative crime.I went over to his house one day to play by the side of the lake. As we sat on the deck with cognac and guitars, I began to share with him the story of my eye drop dilemma.He listened – quietly. I asked him if I could practice on him to help me get comfortable with the skill set.

He simply and clearly said “No”.

Discomfort came quickly to me.

He then shared with me that, coincidently, he was having to begin the same process with his 85 year old mother-in-law. He showed me the gamut of eye drop scripts he'd just received from the pharmacy. He also had never done this before.The next thing he said brought forward a wisdom that is always present. “You are an incredibly Knowing soul. When the moment comes, you will know exactly what to do. You always do - you always will”.

It was perfection – and we left it at that.

When the day came for the first eye drop duty…..I walked in, gently greeted myself internally, my client externally, opened the bottle and eased each drop four times into both eyes.

The original box of unopened practice-drops I took to Frank’s house sits prominently on my prayer table. I smile at the name on the box that faces me daily: "Clear Vision”. I love remembering this eye drop story and sharing it with friends when we discuss times we are worried and don’t know what to do.

During my last trip to India, I had a physical sense of the wisdom-knowing part of my soul. While meditating on worry, knowing and unknowing, my soul stood as a Samurai stands – strong, centered, clear and always Knowing ---- especially in the midst of unknowing.
I enjoy bringing that Samurai Soul image to mind whenever I find my Eeyore-like-self being afraid of losing my tail and I worry, worry, worry.

The Sound of Elders Praying

I was moved the other day by what I will call the “Sound of elders praying”.

It brought me immediately into a space of inner and outer calm. When I heard it, I recognized how I’ve heard this sound since childhood. It is subtle, low and drone-like. It can be found everywhere - when we listen to things like the buzz of a bee, the rattle of dried leaves, the summer heat saturated in the consistency of cicada song.

I heard it easily in India while sleeping, waking and napping to the oceanic monsoon wind outside my retreat room window. I felt it in the low vibration sensed in the sound of silence. It is easily audible when: in sitting, one just sits; in listening one just listens and in breathing, one just breathes. I re-recognized the sound one day as I helped care for a 96 year old woman.

I was walking to the laundry room when I heard a voice say “thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you” in a just-under-the-breath mantra-like melody. I looked up to see a hunched elder woman walk with a tall husband-like man supporting her arm as they moved side by side. In each step-by-concentrated-step her movement and mantra blended in rhythmic measure.

There it was – the sound of elders praying! So familiar, so near, so soothing. I recalled the same murmured meter I heard as a child in the Byzantine church I attended,in of all places,downtown Gary, Indiana. Talk about calmness in the midst of chaos!

The church was a "cacophonic" chamber that echoed with a chorus of elder Slavic women’s voices praying the rosary in their native tongue. It came from deep inside them, rising subtly but surely with the frankincense that floated from the sanctuary. The ancient Slavic tones drew us inward to the place where we can hear divine messages:

“Be still and know that I am God”.
“To pray without ceasing”
…and…
“For those who have ears, let them hear.”

I am thankful to hear the sound of elders praying. I am grateful to have heard it in the woman walking by me. It helps me to remember in each step and in every moment to prayerfully say and hear “thank you, thank you, thank you”.

The Internet: A love / hate relationship

The prate falls and pitfalls I experience when I fall down the rabbit-hole of the Internet make me laugh and cry. The sense of crying comes when I feel us being distracted by so much information…that we miss the moment – and one another.

The laughter comes when I see how funny we are with the tantalizing tidbits we post
on You Tube! (just Google kittens and puppies!). My favorite part of experiencing the joy in how alike we all are --- is when I start to type in a search request. Google starts to populate the text-box with searches the millions of other hitchhikers of this Google-galaxy have similarly requested.

It amazed me one day, thinking "oh I've got one no one could have tried yet", as I
speedily attacked my keyboard with "…Is the Restasis commercial doctor-woman real or digital?". I almost fell off my ergonomic computer chair when not only did the text box
similar-search thingy take off , but it generated page after page of people wondering not only the same thing --- but queried it in even more hilarious ways than I could imagine! Apparently, I am not alone at being weirded-out by this more than bizarre looking human. I swear she is some sort of robotic-artificial-intelligence. But the gamut of
data that resulted proved she is apparently not only human, but a real doctor, based on those who seem to be "in the know"! I smiled at feeling quite connected to potentially millions of us wondering the same silly things!

Another experience seemed to show me not only how similar we are, but how
far we have come. I was watching The Today Show, when we were first introduced to President Obama's awesomely forward thinking choice of Ms. Elena Kagan as the next
Supreme Court Justice candidate. I said out loud to myself "Alright! She's GOT to be a lesbian ---- wow, now THAT WOULD be amazingly forward thinking!!!!".

Again, I found myself almost falling down in the rush to keyboard Google-search anything about her. It was as if I typed in slow-motion anticipation of what might
be populated into my text box by what I was sure millions of other inquiring minds
just HAD to know. I started with "Is Elena Kagan………_____" and then stopped.

I figured I'd get things populated like……..gay, queer, a dyke, homo….or a
cacophony of other spite filled words. I think this time I may have literally fallen off
my chair when the generated word-choice supplied was ………………. married.

I could not stop laughing….and was filled with hopeful amazement – thinking:
Wow ---- that's a step-UP for America! Instantly I next wanted to cry at the sad juxtaposition of this inquiry with today's reality of the discriminatory injustice gay American's experience by being disallowed not only the experience of marriage, but the constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness. I wanted to laugh again at the Catch-22, that this woman could become of all things a Supreme Court Justice.


The list of my Internet experiences runs the gamut of reactions of joy, sadness, frustration, laughter, anger, social togetherness and unrelenting social isolation. It was
Face book that pushed me over the ultimate edge when I just couldn't take the bombardment of information, the one-liners and people seeming to connect but yet seeming to be so disconnected. I found myself taking the summer off and not using ANY source of technology.

Then, low and behold in the midst of my frustration with technology and Face book feeling like it separates us, the Social Network's non-shadow side presented itself in all its glory --- by uniting us. It took just one man's ultimate frustration with non-freedom to end his life by lighting himself on fire…..to begin a revolution of fire in the hearts of others to blog, log, and twitter their angry yet peace-filled messages from Yemen, Eqypt, Syria and more. Words posted on the universally shared "walls" of Face-book, began the domino tumbling down of the Berlin-like walls that separate us. This one man's final action allowed others to begin new action by speaking in the voice that makes us One; the sound of which, due to Face book, was heard through out the world!!!!!

It leaves me with just one thought ---------------------------- Awfully Amazing!

Be-Friending: The King's speech vs. Face-book

Having just seen "The King's Speech" --- I find it funny that my blogging, albeit - few and far between, has so far been sparked by some form of Art (movie, radio, music). Hmmm – a lovely laugh at that.

But – it is Art that moves me to "blatheringly" blog.

I woke up yesterday, with a thought in my head of the gamut of distance between "The King's Speech" and "The Social Network". I haven't seen "The Social Network" --- but I have fallen down the rabbit-hole of Face book. I only got on Face book so I would know what it was in order to talk with youth about what it is, what it is not, and who we "are" as social beings.

This summer I took a hiatus from all technology. I avoided cell phones, all phones, computers, email, and any type of computerized social-network. It was lovely. It helped me to "be" where I was --- moment to moment without bells or whistles.

When I first got on Twitter – I thought it was rather ridiculous and that it would fall by the way side. What do I know, except for how to be judgmental. I am thankful for how nations apparently have been toppled by those that send one-liner sentences letting us know that Tibetans are being killed or that Egyptians are knocking down their own Berlin Walls! I've learned there is an art to messaging in 40 characters or less, to grab one another's short attention span with wit, wisdom and a wee bit of irony and folly.

Then came "The King's Speech", about the heaviness of our interactions, lightened by the gentleness of friendship. How the history of our life stories can weigh heavily in each moment – to the point of making us stop, stutter, hide and freeze with fear.

I am always amazed at times in history when the world is drawn together, with masses of us listening and focused on the same event at the same moment: September 11th, the death of a princess, the assassination of a president, his brother and a peacemaking preacher who happened to be black.

Yes, technology today draws us together in very powerful ways – but it separates us in more ways than I wish to imagine.

In the time of "The King's Speech" – when communication was NOT instantaneous, each and every word carried intense power. It still does today. We forget, that the meaning of the moment shared with intense one-word focus, devotion, and the power of allowing – IS exactly what is needed.
"The Kings Speech" – reminded me of a variety of moments shared in my own in-the-moment "word" therapy with a hakomi therapist.

I remember my therapist saying "I can't wait for the story you tell, of the day you find your voice". It is a gift to have traveled with another person through the roller coaster challenge of finding, knowing and celebrating who I am; who we all are………..now and historically.

There was a sweetness in watching the friendship between the King and his therapist-friend. A shared growing between the two of them, helped guide them both – and all of humanity through a moment of Fear and War – to the other side of a shared spectrum.

Technology back then (radio) – brought people together. Today, technology does this even so. But in so many more powerful ways it can also keep us--- apart.

I cannot understand, nor accept someone befriending hundreds of anonymous people – when in reality, it only takes one. One true-one, to Be-friend us ---- with ourselves, to ourselves…...... let alone --- with one another.

The Mana of each moment

Last week on my way to work I was listening to NPR on the radio in my car.

I was thinking about where I was going and what I would be teaching today. I was headed to Crispus Attucks - thinking "how amazingly lucky I am to go to this school - of all schools". Thinking of history and pride, culture and conflict, differences and kids.

I was hoping and praying that whatever comes out of my mouth today with my students - would be guided from the "Powers that be" - and not from just "me". Then I heard this NPR radio cast.

Wow.

Many of my friends came to mind - and I was grateful.

Grateful for the time we have to sing and share, teach and learn, talk and listen, dance and laugh, cry and scream, love and hate....but especially to just --- be.

One never knows what simple moment will ripple out to the all in all of us. What 3 a.m. moment of clarity, flash of insight, tone of voice or timber of song --- will make all the difference in the world!

I hope you enjoy the pod-cast about the awe-some opportunities we have each day, to think, speak and share from an energy knowledge called "Mana" - a sacred source of spirit that flows from nature, the divine and each human.

To listen to and move from Mana in every word, sound and action we invoke and evoke. Much sacred peace to us all this new year, next year, new moment, next moment and in each moment of NOW!

http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=131812500&m=131842319